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Bruh: Tennessee Woman Caught Conducting E-Commerce With Hitman To Kill Wife Of Man She Met On Dating App

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There’s dumb, stupid, and then, there’s this lady…

According to ABCNews, a Tennessee woman is likely going to spend a significant portion of the rest of her life cosplaying as a cast member on Orange Is The New Black. Not for nothing, the context under which she will likely become an inmate is quite literally the stuff of a Hollywood script. Art imitates life, as the saying goes. Melody Sasser was arrested a couple of weeks back and is being charged with hiring a hitman to murder the fianceé of a gentleman that she met on a dating app.

You read every word of that correctly.

Federal agents say that Sasser, who isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, transferred $10,000 of bitcoin to a dark web site called, wait for it…”Online Killers Market”…in order to have the unnamed woman whacked. Sasser had become hiking buddies with the unidentified name on When said man told Sasser that he planned on moving out of state to marry the woman of his dreams, well, Sasser couldn’t oblige. According to the legal filings, On January 11, Sasser told the anonymous killer-for-hire that, “It needs to seem random or [an] accident. Or plant drugs, do not want a long investigation.” Again, she’s a few sandwiches short of a pic-a-nic basket. Are you pickin’ up what we’re puttin’ down?

B-b-b-b-but wait, it gets worse!

Sasser used information from the fianceé’s Garmin health watch to find out exactly where she was, how long she was there, and what her general daily habits were.

“Yesterday she worked from home and went for a 2 mile walk by herself,” Sasser allegedly wrote to the murder-for-hire website in March, according to the complaint. Authorities said they later confirmed, via the hiking app, that the information Sasser provided to “Online Killers Market” was accurate.

In the fall of 2022, Sasser pulled up to the couple’s home in Alabama and shouted, “I hope you both fall off a cliff and die.” We’ll keep you abreast of this story because we have a feeling the details might get even crazier than they are now.

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